Home Alone?
by Jen the Genie
Summary: The lights are low, the beer is cold, the video is hot, I mean really hot! Just when you thought it was safe to release a bit of tension...No filth, just a dose of earthy innuendo. Mulder POV and hopefully amusing


Title: Home Alone?   
Author: Jen the Genie  
Contact:Purpledragon17@hotmail.com  
Categ: Humour(we live in hope!)/Mulder POV  
Spoilers: I take we are all aware of Mulders taste in adult video?  
Rating : PG13 adult language & sexual innuendo.  
Disclaimer: X-files and Mulder belong to CC & 1013, Used, as always without permission. Any other characters are mine and I'm very protective of my offspring.(YHBW!)  
Archive: As you wish, just keep me posted.  
Notes/acknow: Forgive me readers, for I have sinned. I am guilty of yet another foray into the arena that could be loosely termed (in my case at least) Humour. I will accept whatever penance is deemed fit. *g* D&W thanks for the inspiration.  
  
  
HOME ALONE?  
  
The lights are low, the beer is cold, the video is hot  
- I mean really hot! and I'm...well I'm indulging in a   
bit of tension therapy.  
  
"They say it doesn't have a lasting effect on your vision, But I'm not so sure!"  
  
*Where the Fuck did that come from?*  
I'm off that couch like a scalded cat.I yank my boxers up so fast I give myself a wedgie. With watery eyes I scan the room, then I see it. -AN IMP!!   
There's a god-damned Imp sitting on the arm of the couch and it's smirking.  
*Okay Mulder, stay calm. they've obviously been lacing the water again, this is just an hallucination!*  
  
"Don't mind me." it climbs down, grabs my beer and takes a slug. "Sheesh! would you look at the cleavage on that!  
You'd think they'd find a better use for all that silicone." It leers at the TV and for one moment I wonder if Frohicke has died and come back to haunt me. I pinch my self a couple of times as I back up from the couch.  
  
"Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?" It glances at my nether regions then adds sarcastically "Not that that looks like much of a lethal weapon!"  
  
"Wh..what?" I do my best goldfish impression as my hands drop protectively to cover my embarrasment.  
  
"At ease Agent...Oh I see you are."  
  
"You're an Imp!" I finally get a coherant sentence out.  
  
"Sherlock Holmes is alive and well and working for the FBI!" Imp retorts dryly, rolling its eyes.  
  
"I'm having a conversation with a fucking mythical creation." I mutter -Like it's not an obvious statement.  
  
"Mythical my arse!" it snorts indignantly "If anyone's a myth around here it's you, Not like I get any choice in my assignments."  
  
"I'm an assignment?"  
  
"Yeah,well, Peter Pan got Tinkerbell, You got me..or rather, I got you. " I can tell its not impressed "All the Y-Files end up on my desk." it cracks another beer and gets comfortable.   
  
"I'm a Y file?" I'm back to the goldfish impression.  
  
"Oh brother! I always get the stupid ones." its eyes roll upward again. "You're a W.H.Y? file Agent Mulder *Belch* Now I'm a busy Imp so if we could just get this over with?"  
  
Whatever they zapped me with this time is damned good stuff. The irony of my hallucination is not lost on me. My brain is screaming for the guys in white coats to come and carry me off as I sit and stare at my guest. The Imp returns my scrutiny then pulls a case file from thin air and begins to read it. Eventually it cocks an eyebrow.  
  
"I don't understand you?" it scratches its head.  
  
"Well that makes two of us." I think aloud.  
  
"You're an attractive guy." It looks me up and down. "Educated, healthy, solvent, unattatched, gorgeous eyes, great arse..."  
  
"You hitting on me?" Well I've got to ask!  
  
"You available?" it sniggers, "Last time I checked you were dating Mrs Hand and her five lovely daughters."  
  
"Oh!" Mortification doesn't begin to cover this.  
  
"Not that I've anything against a little one handed veiwing..." It waggles its eyebrows. "After all at least it's safe sex."  
  
"It's a perfectly healthy, normal."  
  
"Oh Puhleeze! Justification is the last refuge of denial."   
  
"Denial of what?" I have the awful feeling that I'm way ahead on this one.  
  
"Shall we talk about a certain hot little red-head who just happens to."  
  
"Don't go there!" I grimace. Yep! I'm way ahead on this one.  
  
"Haven't yet, but I could. " Imp grins evily "What I fail to understand is why haven't you?"  
  
"Because.." I can feel another lame justification coming on, so can Imp judging by the look on its face.  
  
"And that is the reason you're a why-file Mulder!" It snaps my file shut and climbs onto the back of the couch.  
  
"It that it?" I probably shouldn't be asking this.   
Imp looks amused. "You wish!" it laughs "I've only just opened your file." It winks at me.   
  
  
The lights are low, the beers all gone, the video has faded to static and I'm...well I'm sitting here thinking that my life just got a whole lot more complicated.....   
  
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Right, if anyone wants me I'll be back in my lamp!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
